Well things are starting to wind down here in
the Black Wednesday studios; we have interviewed a wide variety of individuals
and given an overview of the many identified species of man currently roaming
our Aftlands.
We cite ‘many’ and not ‘all’ the identified species because interviewing
one person from every single type of anthropomorph on the planet would be nigh
on impossible. Ok so we admit we are stretching the truth because what we’ve actually
covered are a handful of ords and most of the species classified as belonging
to the ‘mythic,’ genus. Why has it worked out this way? Well let’s just say our
gracious lord has a rather rigorous screening process coupled with precisely
zero interest in ‘interviewee preservation.’
Still, we’re not finished yet, which I for one
am pleased about because it’s highly likely my life will end when this job
does.
Thus without further ado we bring you this week’s
interviewee, the one species of elf we have yet to sit down and have a natter
with, known as the drenma, or as many of them prefer, ‘the original dark elves.’
Not only that but Saffron Agir, or Saffy as
she informally prefers, is the appointed representative of her people. That
means of course she spends time rubbing stately shoulders with the likes of
Eyzith, Dirzryn, and many other highbrow famed and appointed officials. Yes we
can hear the excitement bursting from you at that thought, much in the same way
our joy echoed, ‘oh another stately important person just like all the other’s
we’ve already interviewed? And an elf, you say?’
In the interest of some terrible fate not
befalling our beloved Jeff, (who is the office mascot and the only one who
listens because he’s a cactus) we decided to bring our brightest and best gritted
smiles to the interview room and a fistful of research.
Our research as it happens was utterly
pointless because Saffron is a straight lace woman who we can scarce dig up any
dark ugly secrets about beyond a few late payments of parking fines and one
instance of rent arrears. At the age of 74 and standing at 5ft 8in tall there
is simply nothing unusual or untoward about her. A little young to rule some
might cite, but then Saffron’s job consists
of dull liaisons, taking notes in dusty board room meetings and repeating
speeches constructed by other people as if they were her own words.
‘It’s all about addressing the people,’ she
tells us in a silken voice, ‘keeping the politics in balance between those below
and the one above and making sure everyone is happy.’ Being representative of
her species Saffron acts as a go-between for the lower council members and the
highest governing body who finalises decisions on behalf of all elves. Call us
jaded but we assume this means coercing people into believing they are happy
rather than granting wishes.
That said, Saffron appears to be the genuine
article, a genial calm and welcoming woman. A patient listener, measured
speaker and balanced thinker, it is almost a tragedy that she has been elevated
to a middle spokesperson for her people.
Now the drenma are quite set in their ways but
perhaps are the most balanced of their kin. As a culture, they are no-where
near as anal as the drow or arrogant as the lofty draern, they like nature sure
but not to the point of worshipping it like the dryads or druics and they
certainly have no specific penchant for metals like the drek. ‘Of course all of
the above are stereotypical over-views of entire groups,’ Saffron is quick to
remind us. We consider it slightly ironic then that her goal in life is to
bring unity and equality to the people she serves; a sentiment which sounds
about as roughly stapled to the back of her hand as it is.
It’s not clear why the drenma consider
themselves the ancestors of all other elves, aside from the fact that like all
other elves they have an ingrained dislike of their brethren. Yes, all elves
think that their version is best and was first and all other elf species can go
suck it because they live somewhere else and have funny skin and ears.
Drenma
ears, as you can see have a dual point to the top, they are the second tallest
species and always have dark umber skin. Seeing as brown came before dark blue
or grey in the rainbow of external muscle-covering organs we can appreciate why
the lesser-known drenma consider themselves as precursors to the far-shorter drow.
However, there is zero evidence to support this theory and no one is actually
sure what relevance or importance it has to anything other than giving elves
something else to bicker about.
