Happy Holidays! :D 2013

So here’s a snapshot of all our elves in one place (excluding Dirzryn’s three brothers), the party invite cited fancy dress as a requisite with the theme of ‘atypical elves,’ however it seems the interpretation and effort made by various individuals varied greatly.

Christmas Elves

Left to right, top to bottom we have:

Alanor (bottom left, pregnant woman, sitting in left chair)

Dioxa (left, shy lass with piercings and stripy top in front of fireplace)

Orin (left, the lad with bright blonde hair who is stealing a candy cane)

Tor (top left the tall pale blue fellow who is propping up the drunk)

Fedura (top left, the drunk)

Tahl(upper centre, fellow with red hair who is trying to appear interested in the conversation)

Saffron (upper centre, the woman talking AT Tahl)

Lady Vay (right, the woman stood in front of the tree sneering down on everyone)

Mathiaas (right, he’s holding up a glass, almost hidden below Vay)

Riaf (right, the blonde very stoned looking lad on the sofa)

Ungus (centre, the tubby one in the santa hat)

Tomor (centre, the lass who is holding mistletoe and giggling)

Dirzryn (centre, sat on sofa wishing he were anywhere else but here)

Wishing everyone a great festive season and good elf for the new year 

- sorry just couldn’t resist that pun :P

See you all in 2014! :D

'I Couldn't Care Less'

 Well, in view of our editor in chief being somewhat out of action this week we thought we'd send our snoops out to capture a few moments in time from around the Aftlands.

Those who made it back had some interesting tales to tell for sure as well as a few intriguing visual snippets to tickle our eyeballs. Anyways, to cut a long story short here is our digital artist’s rendition of tender Tomor and our dearest Dirzryn, mid-conversation. 

Titled 'I couldn't care less,' we'll let you decide who is doing the talking here:

Xiaz DeVagrant

 

The eldest and shortest of the DeVagrant brothers Xiaz DeVagrant is 101 years old and a sturdy 4ft 9in tall. He’s about average height for a male drow of his years and aged enough to be a respected member of his community without being so old as to be seen as decrepit. 

That said from what we can gather most people do think of Xiaz as a bothersome old fart.

He’s temperamental at the best of times, apparently never smiles and has the marked expression of a man forced to suck down daily on a mouthful of angry fire ants.

I guess if we had to use only one word to describe Xiaz it would be bitter, but seeing as we don’t here’s a few more to explain exactly how bitter the old prune is: in short he is a crabby, caustic, sarcastic, vitriol of a man, who is embittered, austere, sour and resentful of everything and everyone.

Xiaz is the kind of guy who thinks life owes him something for all the hard work he’s put it, he’s done his share and it’s about time he had some recompense for all the toil and sacrifices he’s had to make. He’s also the type of man who doesn’t realise that his sharp, hot-headed and over-bearing nature is the reason most folks don’t like him.

Now Xiaz is certainly hardworking and not a selfish man, he has after all, dedicated his life to caring for his elderly parents, running their meagre business, and supporting his younger brothers. The problem is that he cannot understand that those choices were his to make and that he doesn’t win instant recompense because he chose to live a life of ‘sacrifice’ to others.

His bitterness exacerbates at the mere mention of Dirzryn's existence. Allowing him to rumble irascibly about the ‘easy-life’, he thinks his brother was given, and caw loudly about how unreasonable it is that some illegally born brat should be, ‘showered in riches.’ He also considers it ‘highly unfair’ that Aezlyn grew semi-pampered with an education and was encouraged by their mother to chase after his ‘silly daydreams’ of cultivating alchemic ingredients because none of those things have anything to do with the family farm, business or their heritage.

Which begs the question what would he do with his life if he had this freedom of choice he thinks is so sorely lacking?

His answer; ‘well I certainly wouldn’t go chasing after a bunch of medicinal herbs or waste it on flitting about rubbing elbows in some high and mighty brownnosed aristocracy.’  Which suggests he quite frankly doesn’t have a clue what he would do but can’t see far enough past the end of his shrivelled upturned nose to realise it.

Fair to say then that Xiaz is not fond of change, even slight changes to his daily routine, such as being dragged half-way across the globe for ‘some ridiculous interview,’ as he deems it, though his sturdy voice falters slightly in its conviction as he makes that utterance so we know that he secretly likes the attention. In reality he probably enjoys having the opportunity to wax lyrical about how wronged he has been, to set the record straight about his family’s involvement or lack thereof with the notorious Dirzryn and just generally have a good moan at a group of people who aren’t already sick of listening to his incessant gripes.

A shame then that we can’t repeat some of the colourful language used to describe his feelings towards the young master DeVagrant, nor do we plan to write any more on the subject since we covered it in detail enough when speaking to Aezlyn and Erynai. Which is merely another irksome point for Xiaz no doubt and another thing that casts disparity on being the eldest child, in fact this should tie in nicely to his victimised belief that he is the sole provider, the responsible one continually ignored but forced to hold the family together.

No Xiaz, no one has forced you into this position other than yourself.

The reason your marriage failed is probably because you are an arrogant, militant, narrow-minded and callous man fixated on preserving a non-existent stability instead of interacting with those around you. We here at Black Wednesday’s are in fact astounded that you were ever wed, seeing as not one person here was able to put up with your constant bellyaching for more than twenty minutes at a time. Being so self-involved we are also assured that you didn’t notice the staff slipping away for cigarettes and coffee at regular intervals because that would involve realising that the universe doesn’t revolve around you or depend or your sagacious insights to get its own coffee.

Just for fun, because we can and we know Xiaz in particular will hate this comparison, here’s their four portraits pinned together:

 

Erynai DeVagrant

This week we have the pleasure of interviewing Dirzryn's second eldest brother Erynai DeVagrant. Both of the older brothers were understandably reluctant in coming forward to be interviewed especially considering the fact we automatically dub them ‘Dirzryn’s brothers’ as opposed to sons of the late Dachlyn. 

The poverty-stricken family is after all only famed due to Dirzryn’s ill-favoured birth and rise to power. By all accounts it is thought that Dachlyn’s already lowly name was tarnished from the grave because his wife, Azenai, chose not to abort this fourth child, a boy he didn’t even know existed prior to his passing. Incidentally the entire family should then have been branded with the red mark for such a slur and stripped of their initialled prefix as with criminals. However in this instance the jury was lenient and took pity on the plight of a woman who loved her husband so dearly she could not bear to lose his final son. Siding with Azenai’s plea the courts chose to leave the family name in place and educate Dirzryn to be of better use to society. It was agreed that in this rare instance Dirzryn should continue to live seeing as Dachlyn could provide no more children should one of Azenai’s other boy’s also suffer an untimely death.

Now at 94yrs old and a grand 5ft tall Erynai DeVagrant certainly looks fighting fit and doesn’t appear like he might drop dead any time soon. Despite being overshadowed by a relative poverty and history that would make most men shrink into secluded misery Erynai is a happily married man with two young children. A salt of the earth type of fellow he likes hands on tasks, enjoys teaching his girls about agriculture and the challenge of a hard graft. He defeats daily hardship with an earnest smile and the simple pleasure of home-grown food. 

Now any man with true appetite for life is certainly one we can see eye to eye with! Clearly he enjoys indulging in the produce as much as he enjoys growing it, a facet about him we instantly take a shine to. Although deeming his children young could be considered a misnomer seeing as his girls are 31 and 25 respectively, in actuality anyone under the age of 50 is considered young in drow society.  

Apart from being a little on the rotund side Erynai is at the peak of physical fitness for a drow of his age. He can lift an impressive amount of weight and is apparently renowned for having incredible stamina. The ladies in our office take this opportunity to jest that his wife ‘must be a happy woman,’ to which he responds with hearty naivety, ‘well she does bake the most marvellous pies.’ 

Thankfully Erynai is either too thick-skinned or too thick-headed to care about the ensuing titters. We suspect a little of both. Being an easy-going and straightforward fellow Erynai isn’t the greatest conversationalist but he is undoubtedly a helpful soul who shows great enthusiasm for his work, is passionate about his family, his heritage and life in general. He tells us that, ‘there is nothing better than working up the sweat of the land,’ which due to his given job we assume to mean ‘getting mucky ploughing and planting in the fields.’

He currently co-owns the DeVagrant family farm with his elder brother Xiaz and works long hours as the main manual labourer. Xiaz handles their accounts and sales and has been the primary holder of their land for 78years since their late father Dachlyn passed away. The farmland is small and the plot itself privately owned by a wealthy benefactor but the farm is productive enough to support both families and up until recently also their ‘layabout’ brother Aezlyn.

Being blessed with green fingers as the saying goes, Erynai loves his work. He considers himself very connected to the earth he toils and very much likes to watch things grow, he doesn’t hesitate to exclaim that he ‘would choose being out in the fresh air over reading a book any day.’

Not being a great thinker Erynai likes simplicity, a practical man in all senses, he doesn’t understand anyone who is interested in the arts, magic or other similar ‘non-physical’ pursuits. He thus considers his brother Aezlyn (who is 12 years his younger) as a bit of an airhead, a heel-dragging dreamer who was nothing but deadweight when he lived on their farm.

It should be noted here that neither Xiaz nor Erynai get along very well with their two younger siblings, especially Dirzryn whose easily-found wealth and status proves a particularly sore point of contention. When asked directly about the matter Erynai feigns general disinterest yet his brow piques with ingrained irritation as he grunts, ‘my brother’s business is his own.’ The subject certainly still strikes an exposed nerve. 

As far as we understand this isn’t because Dirzryn has wealth and they do not, but more to do with the shame of not only having a fourth sibling but having a fourth sibling who was notoriously appointed leader in a transparent ploy to appeal to the good-nature of other nations. Which as Erynai clarifies Dirzryn then failed at, because, as Eryn puts it, ‘he shouldn’t have our name, he weren’t raised here with us, not since he was six; he’s always been an upper-class arsehole.’

So it’s fair then for us to say that Erynai thinks his brother was, at best, over-privileged from the start. 

Having previously interviewed both Dirzryn and Aezlyn we can attest that his judgement isn’t entirely unfair. However Erynai can’t see past the end of nose when it comes to those who possess ambitions and ideals beyond supporting their family. We admit we would likely reach a similar conclusion if we had to fight as hard as Erynai just to scrape out a pittance every single day. 

Obviously a patient and meticulous man when it comes to cultivating his land Erynai is not so tolerant when it comes to people. Generally calm and laid-back Erynai displays an equally aggressive and confrontational side when challenged or threatened. He proves to be fairly short-tempered especially when cornered in a disagreement about the way something should be done or said, as we learnt, especially if you get the facts wrong when speaking of his family. True then for us to quip that Erynai is a resolute man, stubborn in his way of life and beliefs and not a fan of sudden change.

From the birth glyphs oh his left arm (not pictured, the artist was lazy and hence won’t be fed this evening) we can tell (after an hour or so flicking through our drow glyphographic guide to decipher them) that Erynai was born in summer, under the moon of a clear May night between 18:00 and 18:59. How any drow can remember the intricacies of all those designs is beyond us, or perhaps they don’t and like ourselves have to scurry home and check their reference books when they really want to know what the other person is all about. It is, if nothing else, a good conversation starter, we’ll give them that.

Alanor O'Danach

At 47years of age and respectable 5ft tall Alanor O’Danach bears the outward appearance of a stern woman, one of great poise and dignity who we mistakenly thought would spend most of the interview looking down her nose at us lowly workers. Instead we find her to possess an inquisitive nature one that reveals a calm, genuine and kind-hearted lady who is more than interested in her current surroundings and the people therein.  

That said we immediately learn she has an intense dislike of being nicknamed ‘Alan,’ and nicknames in general. She professes we may call her, ‘Lana,’ if we must shorten her name, however doesn’t see how anyone can be so lazy as to avoid pronouncing a third syllable. We’ll take it as a given that her husband doesn’t have a pet name for her then.

A well-respected lady of commerce Alanor is also Mathias' younger sister and hence bears the O’Mahryn family glyph on her forehead. Whilst incredibly busy with her own work she has frequent contact with her brother and young niece Tomor. This is partly due to the fact that the O’Danach business ties in well with the O’Mahryn’s, Mathias and Tomor raise and sell wyvern, whilst Devahn and Alanor design, fix and manufacture riding apparatus, armour and clothing. She is quick to inform us that she didn’t marry Devahn because of their obvious business ties but rather that their shared investments led them to meet. 

From the way Alanor speaks of her husband it is clear that she is actually deeply in love with him, which is fortunate considering all drow have their spouse’s family glyph permanently emblazoned atop their left hand. Marriage laws are a serious business in drow society as are the constraints on child rearing. So what if they want to get divorced or the spouse dies? We are sure you are wondering as that was the first thing we immediately cried. Well, Alanor explains that yes divorce does happen and if the reasons are legitimate or a spouse dies then the glyph is merely faded. She explains further that if however the divorce occurs for an untoward reason such as infidelity then the glyph is branded red as a warning to future partners. We think it amusing to imagine a whole bunch of drow wandering around with strings of red spousal glyphs like cheap nightclub stamps all over the backs of their hands. Much to our childish dismay we are swiftly informed that this red branding is a rare occurrence and most divorces are ruled fairly resulting in a faded glyph instead.

Alanor’s personal speciality is dressmaking; she is lead designer for several ranges of thermal and outdoor wear but confesses that her passion isn’t in the practical clothing that forms the bread and butter of their business. It is a rare treat then when she is asked to design a unique item, one with likely limited saleability in the market. The wealthier members of society have on occasion requested she design outfits for them and as a side-project Alanor does make one-off custom clothes that, as her catalogue will attest, sell for hysterically extortionate prices. 

In dealing with customers Alanor tells us that women are unsurprisingly the worst offenders when it comes to demanding alterations and are also the worst when requesting specifics for their priceless gowns. In fact Alanor explicitly details that the things she least likes designing are, ‘frilly frocks, and baroque, gaudy fascinators that those puffed up princesses order and wear for one night only.’ Now aside from the fact that she knows her work is going to spend the rest of its miserable life gathering dust in a closet we assume it pains her to put her name to whatever cheap and tacky eye-catcher is en vogue for those precise five minutes.

After wasting a full thirty minutes talking about fashion we realised it was going to be a pretty dreary interview if we didn’t swiftly change the subject and so set the next line of enquiry to ‘any hobbies that don’t involve clothes.’ Following a raised eyebrow or three and a few flirty remarks at our Freudian slip we were surprised to learn that Alanor is more than adept with a bow and arrow. Whilst she doesn’t profess to be any good at riding or shooting from wyvern-back she tells us she has won many an archery competition in her time. Amused she relays that as a child her eye was so keen her father had hoped the idle hobby would transform into a profession. To this day she tells us she finds it laughable that her father wanted her to be an archer when all she really wanted to do was play with clothes and dress up dolls. She recalls how, in a backwards act of cunning defiance, she would make sure she was seen sneaking from the house with her bow and arrow and heading to the woods, where she would in her own words ‘proceed to sit and brazenly sew things.’

We’re not entirely sure how one ‘brazenly’ sews anything but to avoid stumbling back into a conversation about clothes we ask if she still practices archery. The answer in short, yes she does. Alanor tells us she likes to goes out hunting small game of a weekend with Mathias and Tomor, but ruefully explains how her niece seems to be ‘at that age’ and that Tomor is ‘more interested in chasing after older men than catching rabbits.’

The supportive and accepting type Alanor reveals that she is at times quite literally an agony aunt for Tomor’s woes. Thankfully as an understanding and well-rounded soul she has the patience of a saint and enjoys counselling young people. She relates that if she hadn’t made a success of clothing design she would like to have become a counsellor or teacher. However Alanor informs us that she believes in embracing opportunities as they present themselves and that as much as she loves children her career arrived first.

That’s not to say her career is the be all and end all. In fact she slyly saved the most exciting bit of news right until the end of the interview and then like some clandestine agent suddenly revealed that she is pregnant with her first child! We had wondered why there was a new range of thermal baby grows in her catalogue slapped next to the cocktail dresses.

After an intense round of congratulations and fawning from the staff, we ask if she thinks it will be tricky choosing which of the two surnames to gift to the child seeing as both families are equally prosperous. Alanor smiles broadly at this question and relates that she and Devahn have already agreed that the infant’s surname will be dictated by whichever business is doing best at the child’s time of birth. Now that’s strikes us as special, in a competitive ‘whoever is making the most money wins,’ kind of way, which incidentally doesn’t sit well with the steady and solvent personality we have been presented with over the past hour. All of which makes us wonder what other ‘little’ secrets seemingly open Alanor is keeping to herself.